Harry's New Friend
by Suuki-Aldrea
Summary: The teachers at Harry's school had taught him that a book was a gateway into another world; he never thought that it worked the other way round. But when an other-worldly book is literally dropped in front of him, he begins to learn that everything he was ever taught was wrong. Magic did exist. And so did a Wizzard named Rincewind.
1. The Book

**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything mentioned in this fanfiction.**

**Revised 07/11/2013**

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The man's breath came in short gasps as he bent over to rest. He could feel the stares of the city people as they went about their business, but he didn't give a damn. They could stare all they wanted: he was having too much fun to care. Straightening up again he continued his mad dash through the London streets, his prize package tucked securely under his arm.

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To say Harry was very excited would be a vast understatement. It was his first trip outside of Surrey and every fiber of his six year old body was full of immeasurable joy. His Aunt and Uncle had been forced to take him to London with his cousin; his sitter – Mrs. Figg – had come down with a highly contagious bout of the flu. The Dursleys would have happily left Harry if it hadn't been for the fear of their precious Duddykins getting sick.

Now, a few things must be explained about the Dursleys in order to understand just why Harry was so happy. Petunia and Vernon Dursley prided themselves on being the most normal pair of people you could ever hope to meet; their son Dudley had never wanted for anything – and it showed. They abhorred anything that didn't conform to their lifestyle – and that included Harry.

Harry was a Freak. From the moment he could walk and talk that was all that he had known. His name was 'Freak', anything that went wrong was blamed on the Freak, and then he was punished. The worst of the punishments had been no food for a week: today though, it was going to be different. Harry had promised to not do anything 'freakish' while he tagged along with his family.

The Dursleys pulled into a parking lot outside the largest toy store that Harry had ever seen. It was the _only _toy store he had seen, but Harry knew it had to be the biggest. As soon as the Dursleys exited the car, Harry bounded out with a large smile on his face. Before he could get too far a large meaty hand clamped down on his shoulder.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Harry stilled, not daring to answer his Uncle Vernon. If he did he would be in for a terrible beating as soon as they returned to Privet Drive.

"You're not coming in with us! You can stay by the rubbish where you belong and stay out of site." His hand still gripping Harry like a vice, Vernon guided him over to the side of the store and threw him behind a collection of trash bins and refuse. "You better be here when we come to get you, or you'll be locked in the cupboard for a week without food!" He stormed away, not even bothering to see if Harry had followed his orders.

Heaving a sigh of relief, Harry settled down in between two empty boxes and looked out of the alleyway onto the main street. He had a limited view of the busy sidewalk that ran in front of the toy store and decided to entertain himself by counting the number of people in blue shirts that passed by the alley's opening.

Not even thirty minutes later Harry was interrupted by a man skidding into the alley. A man whose hair was only matched by the wild look in his eye. He spotted Harry and dashed over to drop a heavy package in one of the empty boxes, taking the other. "It's yours now. Good luck!" The man continued his mad dash down the alleyway and into oncoming traffic.

Curious, Harry grabbed the package that the stranger had dropped. Before he could look at it closely the sound of hooves startled him and forced him to scurry behind the trash bins. He didn't question why someone would be riding a horse in the middle of London, the urged to question beaten out of him at an early age. As soon as he heard the noise fade away, Harry cautiously eased his way out of hiding. The coast clear, he was able to open and inspect the package. It was an old and tattered book with the words 'Rincewind the Wizzard' emblazoned across the front cover. While Harry held it he noticed a strange noise emanating from the book, as if the book was still being written.

Before Harry could investigate any further, he heard Vernon shouting for him. Hiding the book underneath his oversize hand-me-down shirt, Harry ran to his Uncle's side to avoid a beating or anything unpleasant.

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ROBERT REGINALD, I HAVE COME FOR THEE.

Robert turned away from his broken body on the asphalt that was surrounded by a crowd of people and one car. A smile graced his face as he saw the tall figure standing next to a large white horse. "You really say that?"

IT IS EXPECTED, IS IT NOT, the figure replied. The figure was male, if gender could be applied to an eight foot skeleton dressed in black robes and holding a scythe.

"I suppose so." Robert glanced back down at his body before looking back into the bright blue points of light that represented the skeleton's eyes. "This is it then, huh?"

YES.

"Can't run from Death, yeah?"

Death nodded sagely. NOT FOREVER.

The two stood staring at each other for a few awkward moments – only on Robert's part of course. Death couldn't feel emotion, only pretend, which he did then for the mortal's sake.

Death cleared his throat. It was a sound only comparable to two tombstones grating against each other. IF YOU COULD RETURN WHAT YOU STOLE BEFORE YOU MOVE ON? I WOULD BE MUCH OBLIGED.

"Oh right!" Robert held up the package that he had inexplicably still had in his incorporeal state and handed it to Death.

He nodded his thanks and grabbed the box with his long fingers. I BELIEVE IT IS TIME FOR YOU TO GO.

Laughing hysterically, Robert Reginald began to fade from this world. "I did it! I tricked Death himself! Wait till my friends hear about this!"

Death stared curiously at the spot where the spirit had resided, then gave a shrug well suited to a skeleton. He turned his back on the now panic laced scene of death, pulling himself up onto his noble steed. TIME TO GO HOME, BINKY.

Binky whinnied and trotted up into the air as if gravity were merely a spoiled child trying to keep it's grip on it's toys. Death unwrapped the box at that moment and his eyes dimmed with worry. OH BUGGER…

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**Revised 07/11/2013**


	2. Wheeles Set in Motion

**Disclaimer: I own nothing that looks remotely recognizable. Still in that hotel!

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Harry carefully took the book out from under his shirt, peering around the alley to make sure the Dursely's hadn't come for him yet. He cracked open the book to the beginning and started to read about the most interesting person he had ever heard of. Well, compared to his 'family' that is.

As Harry read the first page, he noticed something odd. The book began with the words: _Rincewind began to cry as his lungs started working. _The book detailed everything that happened to Rincewind. Even if he went to the bathroom. Harry quickly skipped most of the beginning, until he came to the word _wizard. _He stopped, backed up a short bit and began to read. He had just made it to the point where it said: _and he was the seventh son of a seventh son and therefore a wizard _when he heard his Uncle.

"Boy! Get out here! We're leaving with or without you, so you'd better hurry it up!"

Harry hid the book again and scurried out in time to receive a cuff of the ear from his Uncle.

"You smell like shit! When we get home you'll get the hose before you set one foot inside my house. Now get in the car!"

Harry hurried to obey, and as the car drove along the highway, Harry devised a plan to hide the book in the garden. He was the only one who ever worked on it anyway. It would be the perfect hiding place.

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Rincewind relished the feeling of utter boredom as he sat near the library door at Unseen University. He was trying to get in as much boredom as he could before adventure decided to ruin his life again. He absently fed the Luggage a bit of his sandwich as he watched the Librarian climb the shelves in pursuit of a book that had escaped its chains. Rincewind gave a sudden shiver as if someone had walked over his grave. "Oh no…"

PARDON ME.

Rincewind slowly turned to look at the figure next to him, praying to all the gods that it wasn't who he knew it was. His eyes meet the hem of a black robe and traveled up to the grinning face of Death. He squeaked. "What are you doing here?! I feel perfectly fine!"

Death let out a nervous cough. YES. WELL, I HAVE SOME BAD NEWS.

Rincewind gasped in horror. "I'm dead!?"

Death looked at him with exasperation. NO. I HAVE OTHER BAD NEWS. YOUR BOOK HAS BEEN STOLEN.

The failed wizard let out a sigh. "At least it's not that bad."

AND YOU MUST RETRIEVE IT.

"WHAT?! No, no, no. I am not going on another adventure with certain death, no offense, around every corner! Why can't you get it? You're the one who lost it in the first place."

I AM NOT ALLOWED TO INTERFEAR ONCE IT HAS PASSED INTO THE LAND OF THE LIVING.

"That's a thing with horns and you know it! I am not going to do this!"

The Librarian, who had been listening, knuckled his way over to the two. "Ook."

Rincewind whirled towards the ape. "What?"

"Ook."

"You mean, whoever has my book can change _my _history?"

"Eeek."

Rincewind paled. "Alright Death. Where do I start looking?"

Death nodded, satisfied. I'M GLAD YOU SEE IT MY WAY. COME, I WILL TAKE YOU TO EARTH.

"What's dirt got to do with it?"

NO. THE PLANET EARTH; IT IS IN A SEPERAT DIMENSION.

"Not like the Dungeon Dimensions, I hope."

NO.

"Oh, good."

IT IS MUCH WORSE.

Rincewind sighed as he mounted Binky behind Death. "Why does everything happen to me?"

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**A/N: Please tell me if I need to fix anything. I've written this at 5am and I tend to miss things when I'm up all night. Please review!**


	3. One Year Later

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or the Discworld. If I did, I would actually have a life, which I clearly don't have. Enjoy.

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_Rincewind gripped Death's shoulders tight as Binky leapt into the infinite; which didn't look at all infinite, just a sort of flat blue. As suddenly as the infinite had appeared it was gone and Rincewind found himself looking down on a city of enormous buildings. They could almost rival the tower of art it their tallness. Almost. Death brought his horse to a halt in front of a rather shabby looking pub, and let Rincewind off._

_HERE WE ARE. THE BOOK IS SOMEWHERE IN THIS COUNTRY._

"_You couldn't pinpoint it any closer?"_

_NO. I WOULD SUGGEST THAT YOU START LOOKING._

_Rincewind began to panic. "But where? This place is huge!"_

_THE PUB HAS WIZARDS IN IT. PERHAPS YOU COULD ASK FOR THEIR HELP._

_Sagging with relief, Rincewind pushed open the door of The Leaky Cauldron and—_

"UP! I want my precious Diddum's Birthday to be perfect! Get up you lazy boy!"

Harry shut the book with a sigh. It had been a year since he found the strange book, and he had finally made it to the point where it was writing itself. Having awaken early that day, he had decided to get some reading in, knowing that he would have to cook breakfast for Dudley's 11th birthday. He hoped that today would be a quiet day, and that he would be able to bring his book with him to Mrs. Figgs. Getting dressed, he left his cupboard to start the day.

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Even after the beating Harry received for what he termed 'The Snake Incident' he couldn't keep a smile off his face. He had understood the snake! He would bet anything that that made him like one of the wizards that Rincewind had mentioned in the book. Ratbast or something like that. Harry frowned thoughtfully for a moment; did his new found power mean that everything he had read in the magical book was real? If so, where was this _Discworld_, and who had stolen the magic book from Death? And was Rincewind _really _in London, or was it perhaps New York? While in London-on one of the rare outings with the Dursleys-Harry had seen the Leaky Cauldron, so he was pretty certain Rincewind was in London.

Now he just needed to figure out what to do with that knowledge.

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He had only been here a few days, but Rincewind had already begun to blend in with wizarding society and was actually finding it quite fun. In order to fit in he had acquired a job at the local apothecary, which seemed to cater to witches more than it did wizards, but he had gone with it while keeping his mouth shut. A very important skill for a coward such as himself. Today was payday and he was egerly awaiting his money from his boss. Once he received it, he hurried out and down what he had found to be called Diagon Alley-which was strange because it was built a bit curvy-to purchase his own wand at the store called Ollivanders. Soon he would have his own wand! Perhaps then he would be able to do magic with some consistency.

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Back on the Discworld a monster was on the war path, leaving a swath of destruction in its wake as it searched for its master.

The Luggage was looking for Rincewind, and Io help whoever got in its way.

**A/N: What do you think? Sorry it's so short. Please review!**


	4. A Wand for Rincewind

**Disclaimer: Do I look like I own the Discworld or Harry Potter? I do? Wow, what have you been smoking?

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Rincewind sighed as he tried yet another wand. He had been at Ollivanders for half an hour and he still hadn't found a wand yet.

"Don't be discouraged Mr. Rincewind. There's a wand for you somewhere!"

Rincewind didn't answer. He was a bit creped out by Ollivander. With every wand that didn't work, he became even more excited and happy, which put Rincewind in mind of a dog that _really _wanted that ball thrown.

Ollivander returned from the back room carrying several more wands. He steered his way clear of the waist high pile of rejected wands and handed Rincewind a beautifully carved wand. "Try this one. It's rosewood with a golden phoenix core."

Rincewind raised his sore arm to wave the wand, but Ollivander snatched it away. "No, not that one either."

The shop bell chimed and Rincewind turned around to see who it was, just in case he had to run. He gasped. "YOU!"

Standing in the doorway, giving off an air of smugness, was the Luggage.

Ollivander peered at it. "Most curious… If I might ask, what wood is that trunk made of?"

"Sapient pearwood, why do you ask?"

"Hm, I've never heard of that kind of wood before."

Rincewind stammered out a reply, not knowing how it would be taken. "Well, it's a rare type of wood that only grows in extremely high magical fields."

Ollivander nodded. The Luggage shifted beneath his stare as if nervous. "And this Luggage follows you?"

Rincewind nodded. "Oh yes, it'll even follow me into the afterlife. One of the other reasons it's so rare."

Ollivander got a gleam in his eye and the Luggage scurried behind Rincewind. "I would like to use some of the wood from your trunk in order to make you a wand. Since the wood has already chosen you, the wand would also."

Rincewind whirled to face the Luggage. "Well? You got any extra wood?"

The Luggage shifted on its hundreds of feet and then reluctantly opened its lid, revealing a small two by four piece of wood. Rincewind grabbed it, almost getting his fingers caught. "Hey, watch it! Do you _want_ me to use you as firewood?"

The Luggage turned and lumbered into a corner to sulk, also giving off a vibe of malice. Anyone who came within a foot of it would most certainly lose a hand; or at least a few fingers.

Ollivander eagerly took the wood from Rincewind. "Now all we have to do is find a core that is right for you." He beckoned Rincewind to follow and led him to the back room, setting him in front of a row of wand cores. "Just move your hand over each item and chose the one that calls to you."

Rincewind did as he was told, feeling very foolish, until he felt a slight tingle in his hand. His hand had stopped over a pile of white horse hairs.

"Ah, unicorn hair, very good for…"

Rincewind wasn't listening to Ollivander. He was in too much shock over his choice. Unicorns were evil steeds of the Lords and Ladies; why did he have to pick one of those? The Elves were probably upset that something was stolen from them, and now they would be after him!

"Mr. Rincewind? I will have your wand ready for you tomorrow."

Rincewind panicked. "Wait! What if the Lords and Ladies come after me to get their Unicorn's hair back! I'll be killed!"

Ollivander gave him a strange look. "The Unicorns donated their tail hairs, no one stole them."

Rincewind sagged with relief. "Oh good, the elves won't have a reason to go after me. How much do I owe you?"

Ollivander shrugged, thinking that the wizard was just a bit eccentric or paranoid. "Eight Galleons, but you don't have to pay until you pick up your wand tomorrow."

"Thanks. Come on Luggage."

The Luggage got up on its feet, having forgiven Rincewind for earlier, and followed him out the door. It drew a fair number of stares, but the other magic users simply wrote it off as some new type of enchanted trunk. Oh how wrong they were.

Rincewind tapped the Luggage's lid. "Open up, I need to put my money away."

The Luggage obediently opened its lid, showing a compartment where Rincewind kept his gold. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough for Rincewind. As long as he didn't have much money, the Thieves Guild left him alone. Then Rincewind went back to the store and up to the room he was renting in exchange for a third of his pay. The Luggage climbed up on top of the room's small wardrobe and promptly fell asleep, its snores sounding like wood being sawed in half. Rincewind lied down on the room's small cot, already tired out from the long day, and closed his eyes. He didn't even dream that night; a rarity for him.

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**A/N: Hope you liked it. More Harry in the next chapter. Leave a review, even if its just to say that you hate it. I just love any kind of review! Let me know if I need to change anything.**


	5. Diagon Ally and a Meeting

**A/N:**** Wow, I haven't looked at this for some time! I only remembered it because I got a few follows recently. Thanks for those by the way! I have read through this chapter, made some changes and decided to post as it is now. I will be reading through the other chapters and will most likely update those as well. I hope you all enjoy this chapter and I hope I don't loose interest again!**

**Disclaimer:**** If I owned any thing mentioned in this story there would be more space/time travel and a big blue box. There isn't, so I don't.**

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Death sighed as he looked at the Grimm's Hourglass Room. He had been asked to take over for a few weeks so the Grimm could take a vacation. Death didn't understand why he would need a vacation, but he agreed since he had business in the Grimm's realm anyway (i.e. Rincewind). Death knew that the Grimm had never been the tidiest of Reapers, but the state of the Hourglass room was appalling. Death had always prided himself on doing his job as efficiently as possible in an insensible world like the Discworld, so he didn't understand how another death could be so unorganized. The Grimm had even called him here before to help in a situation with someone named Myrrdin.

REALLY, Death thought to himself, HOW DOES ONE GO ABOUT LOOSING AN HOURGLASS? THE GRIMM WAS LUCKY THAT MYRRDIN GAVE THE HOURGLASS BACK WHEN ASKED. NOW, WHERE DO I START?

Death walked through the rows of softly falling time, some having frozen in mid life, others kept going with black shadows, and even more simply repeating themselves over and over. Death shook his head at his colleague's mess. At least he only had one wizard every few centuries who refused to die when supposed to. The Grimm had a whole large community of them! Death decided that he would leave the wizards to the Grimm and turned to the regular humans section, quickly choosing a life-timer and putting it into his robes.

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Harry gawked at Diagon Alley in awe. He had read about it in his book, but it was nothing compared to seeing it in real life. Hagrid had been very helpful; explaining several things that Harry asked about and introducing him to the Wizarding world. Harry was surprised to find out that he was famous, and became rather nervous. He knew from reading about Rincewind that being famous was never a good thing; it could (and often did) lead to sharp pointy objects in the future. As Harry contemplated the horrors of rabid mobs and misunderstandings, he was reminded of a question he had while reading the book of Rincewind. "Why is the Wizzarding world hidden from regular people? Are the wizzards scared?"

Hagrid laughed. "Nah, it's jus' tha' the Muggles would all want their problems taken care of."

Harry looked at Hagrid quizzically. "No they wouldn't. At first they'd be scared and try to get rid of the wizzards, but then – after a long and shape changing war - they'd not care because it would be normal."

Hagrid gave Harry a strange look. "Ah, righ'.' He shook his head and focused on more important things. "Now, first we need to go to Gringotts, the Wizard bank, to get yer money."

"I have money?"

"O 'course you do, Harry. You don' think yer parents left yah with nothin' do yah?"

Harry just shrugged and followed in Hagrid's wake. As soon as they reached the bank his breath was taken away by it's size and beauty. He read the inscription on the door and thought that whoever tried to break into Gringotts would obviously be incredibly stupid or a hero.

After getting his money (and having ogled for the necessary length of time) Hagrid left Harry to get his robes on his own. Not liking this one bit, Harry carefully scoped out the store before entering. Deciding that both the shop-keep and the lone customer were mostly harmless, or easy to run from, he entered the shop. He was immediately ushered onto a stool next to the only customer who was about his age, and the owner – Madam Malkin – began to measure him for his robes.

The blond boy looked over to Harry and sneered haughtily. "Going to Hogwarts too?"

Harry nodded cautiously.

"Well, I'm going to be sorted into Slytherin. What House are you going into?"

Harry shrugged. "The safest one, of course."

The blonde's sneer grew even nastier. "Oh, a _Hufflepuff_. All Hufflepuffs are idiots and cowards. I guess that makes you a mudblood."

Harry was about to ask the boy what a mudblood was, when the lady measuring him told him he was all done. Harry jumped off the stool, collected and paid for his robes, then rushed outside to wait for Hagrid. He was a little upset about not having his book (it was very comforting to know someone had it worse than him), but he supposed it was for the best as it would be difficult to run with a book that big; and that boy was definitely someone to run from.

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Phineus' quill scratched frantically across the piece of parchment, writing out ancient runes and symbols as he thought of them. (They didn't really spell anything, he was simply practicing. Just because he'd been driven mad from a botched _Obliviate _as he was kicked out of the DOM, it didn't mean he was an idiot.) It had been many years since he had sent his partner into the Underworld to take something in order to complete his spell research. Robert had managed to grab _something,_ but he had run too fast out of the ritual room - while laughing maniacally - for Phineus to get a good look. Rob always enjoyed a good prank and had only agreed to join in Phineus' research because it would be like pulling a prank on the Grimm; on Death itself! Phineus had no doubt that Rob had managed to keep the item hidden, but since Rob had disappeared it was up to _him_ to find the artifact.

Phineus sighed as he put down his quill, massaging the kinks that had formed in his hand. He chuckled darkly as he thought of the spell he had worked on over the years. "Soon my plan will come together and I will be able to control death. I will be immortal!" He quickly stood, still sniggering under his breath, and skipped up the stairs into the stationary shop that he owned. It was a highly respectable establishment known as Scribbulus Shrivenport.

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Rincewind stayed in the back room of the apothecary, making sure the clerks in the front got the ingredients they shouted back for. This week was the busiest he had ever seen. When he asked Mr. Jigger (one of the store owners) he replied that it was for hog warts students. Why anyone would learn from a hog's warts was beyond Rincewind's understanding; so he simply nodded and tried not to mix ingredients that would explode - like he did his first day.

"Oi, Rincey!"

Rincewind winced (and tried not to dwell on how well it rhymed) as he heard the horrid nickname that his coworker Arnold had taken to calling him. At least it was better than what Mr. Jigger called him. He turned from the bowl of beetle eyes he was about to pick up, almost knocking it over. "What is it? I was just about to bring out the beetle eyes you asked for."

Arnold laughed and waved him over. "Nevermind that! Someone's asking for you."

Rincewind began to panic. "It's not a really skinny guy, kind of tall, wears all black?"

"Nah, just come out! You'll never believe who it is!"

Arnold turned back to the front of the store - and that was all that Rincewind needed to disappear, leaving nothing but a fading scream. Arnold looked behind him and sighed. "That's the second time this week. At least he's not hiding from the Unicorn horns again." He went out into the store and approached the kid who'd asked him about Rincewind. "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Is there anything I can help you with Mr. Potter?"

Harry looked disappointed, but not surprised. "No, thank you. Hagrid has already gathered the items I need. He's paying for them at the counter now."

"Well, if there's anything you need, just ask for Arnold. That's me."

Harry just nodded with a shy smile and scurried after Hagrid as he heard his name called. Arnold smiled giddily as he went back to work. This was the greatest thing that had ever happened to him. Speaking to THE Harry Potter! He suddenly stopped and cursed.

"I forgot to get his autograph!"

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Harry trudged after Hagrid as they left Diagon Alley tired and happy, yet still a little disappointed. Today was the best day of his live, and if he had only been able to meet his hero Rincewind... it would have been even better. He had expected him to run, but had hoped he would at least ask who was asking for him. Of course, any delay in running could result in a lack of important body parts required to live.

The day turned out alright despite that, except for the fact that the owner of the stationary store wouldn't stop staring at his scar. It was creepy and had made him want to run away, but Hagrid had kept a hand on his shoulder after the first two times he had tried.

Harry waved good bye to Hagrid on the steps of Number 4 Privet Drive, and made his way inside cautiously. The Dursley's were clustered around the television and gave no indication that they had noticed Harry's presence. He scurried to his new room, not allowing himself to breath easy until he had closed the door. Thanking the Lady that his family was in a ignoring mood, he completed the final act to calm himself – opening his favourite book.

**A/N:**** I hope you enjoyed! More to come as soon as I figure out what direction I want this to go in! Ja ne and tell me what you thought!**


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